Please, I do mind.

I have really lotsa thoughts in my mind.
So I decided to blog.
Though I say I dont wanna blog alr -.-
k, so im feeling very empty.
Idk why.
And I dont feel like studyingz.
The images of how we studied
during the super last min scares me off.
TOTALLLYYYYY.
But i kno I still have to study no matter what.
Hais.
Suddenly forgot the purpose of life.
Study? Work? High pay/Low pay ? Marry? Have children? Then die?
Hais. Boring.
Like.
I have no exact goals ? Aims ?
Very clueless.
No longer have the spirit with me.
It's so hard.
I just cant keep myself really happy.
and feel like tearing every now and then z.
and when I laugh or smile,
I would stop myself because
I think tat I dont deserve to be smiling/laughing at this stage ?
or I have to remind myself tt I shouldnt be smiling?
But I wonders why everytime it falls on me lor.
Sec 1 also lidat. now also lidat.
until when ?
At least sec 1 better.
Really have to confidence in myself.
No matter on appearance or studies.
Introvert is getting my way.
sometimes I have plenty to say.
But just dont know how and where to start.
So i remain silence.
and I keep and keep.
But also got limit rite?
when will I be able to pick myself up?
I think this time rnd is really a big blow to me?
when will I have confident in myself?
when will I learn?
How come I know it's the fact.
But I simply just cannot be -kind- enough to accept it?
Dont understands why.
Have many question marks.
Where shld I start clearing all my question marks ?
Why is everyone so far away from me?
Though sometimes they're just beside me.
How come I cant feel them ?
I even looked down on myself.
will people looked down on me?
will ppl laugh?
even if they says no.
But who knows whether is it from
the bottom of their heart...
I never fail to end up failing.
when will all the falling and failing ends?
Can you like dont follow me forever.
ok Im not being emotional or what.
All this is just what tt went thru my mind.
Automatically.
Ppl asks me to cheer up.
Yes i know.
But I just cant bring myself to.
Headache + dizzy spells.